Separated, Now What? First Steps Toward Divorce in BC

Separated and planning to divorce in BC? Here are the first steps.

The beginning stages of your separation

You've just separated from your spouse and have decided to get a divorce. Where do you even start? It’s hard to know where to begin.

First, it’s important to focus on safety, stability, and emotional readiness. Next, understand the legal routes you can take through your separation and divorce process. Then, get organized and decide which path toward a Separation Agreement in BC will work best for you before preparing to file for divorce.

It can be heart wrenching, hard, and overwhelming, but it's important to remember that you will get through it. Millions of people have been through what you are going through, and there is a path forward that make sense. Just take it one step at a time. Here you’ll find an outline of a few essential steps to remember as you begin the process and work towards divorce.

Establish, safety, stability, and emotional readiness

There are a few things that need to be addressed before you start making any plans or taking any decisions. Before getting started it's important to ask yourself the following questions to help you determine the next steps:

• Do you have a stable place to live?

• Are you able to meet financial obligations?

• Are you safe?

• Are you seeing your children?

  
  

If you've answered no to any of the questions above or if your separation has jeopardized one of these priorities, it's important to stabilize in these areas. It may be as simple as talking to your spouse and putting together an interim plan. But, if tensions are high and your spouse is making unilateral decisions, rather than coming to mutual agreements, you should get legal assistance.  Ensuring your safety, security, and stability is essential before choosing the next steps. A lawyer can help you create an interim plan that will help you find the security and stability you need to move forward or connect your with supportive resources in your area.

Stay calm and reasonable

Many people underestimate how important it is to stay calm in the early stages of separation. This is a time to be careful and intentional in your interactions with your spouse. Strong emotions like anger or hurt are completely normal, but it’s usually best to work through them with a counsellor, therapist, or someone you trust.

When emotions begin to drive decisions, people are more likely to act reactively and make choices that can have lasting consequences. Maintaining emotional control helps you think clearly and make decisions that support better long-term outcomes.

Remaining calm and grounded matters more than you might realize. Your children are watching how you handle this moment, and your choices affect them deeply. Being reactive or unreasonable can also hurt you legally. If a judge sees behaviour that suggests poor judgment or a lack of focus on your children’s best interests, it may not work in your favour.

Be Professional

Moving into a more business-like relationship is important in keeping discussions on track. Approach your former spouse like a professional relationship so that your words, your emails, and the way you interact during parenting transitions are rooted in calm, common sense behaviour.

You and your lawyer should always be polite and professional with your spouse and their lawyer. Treat your spouse like you would a co-worker. It helps to remain focused on the content of the discussion rather than complicate the discussions with additional conflict and negative emotions.

By focussing on positive communication, you will set a positive tone in ongoing dealings, particularly in co-parenting if you have kids. And your children will benefit from keeping conflict levels low. Children who witness low levels of conflict between their parents often have more positive long-term outcomes in mental health and academic performance, than those who witness a higher level of conflict.

Ensure Your Basic Needs are Met

This sounds simple, but in reality many people start neglecting their basic needs when they’re in a crisis. You need to be eating healthy foods, drinking water, making sure you get a lot of rest, and exercising if you can. Although it’s obvious, it’s sometimes forgotten what a significant impact sleep, healthy food and exercise can have on your mental health and emotional stability.

Make sure you have someone to process your emotions with and that you are still socializing with friends and family. The stress of separation can take a toll on your health, so it's important to make sure your basic needs are established, and you have the support you need during every stage of the process.

Choose Your Legal Path After Separation in BC

Understand the difference between separation and the divorce process

There are a lot of common myths about separation and divorce that leave people overwhelmed when they learn about what the process actually entails. It’s helpful to first learn the difference between separation and divorce:

Separation: Separation ****occurs when one or both spouses decide that the relationship is over and act on that decision. You do not need a court order, written agreement, or to move out for separation to begin, but a Separation Agreement that sets out your plans around parenting, child support, spousal support and the distribution of assets and debts is important to finalize plans and move forward.

Divorce: Divorce is the application process where papers are filed with the Supreme Court in BC that, once approved, declare you are no longer legally married. A divorce is only approved if all matters including parenting, support, and property have been resolved.

To learn more about the separation and divorce process in BC, refer to Separation vs. Divorce: What’s the Difference?

Understand which legal paths you can take in BC:

Many people begin the separation process not realizing there are different paths you can take. People often think the route their lawyer chooses is the only one. But once you understand the different processes, you and your spouse can better understand which direction to take. Here are some different routes you can take for your separation and divorce in BC:

Between Lawyers

Some couples begin by each hiring their own lawyer to direct the process for them. All discussions and agreements will be facilitated between both lawyers. To begin, most lawyers will meet with you in a one-hour consultation and then require a $3,000-$5,000 retainer to work with you, to start. Your lawyers will then set up the process and begin filing the necessary forms.

Your will likely request information and basic document disclosure before assessing the situation and then settlement proposals will often be sent back and forth between lawyers until an agreement is reached.

Unfortunately, this route can often take months, if not years, to complete. Letters will go back and forth while things progress slowly, all while legal fees mount quickly.

Going to Court

If no agreement is reached, some lawyers will take your case to court for the matters to be ruled before a judge. About 90% of separations do not need to go to court, so be wary of this approach if you haven’t yet tried to collaborate in mediation. The cost of going to trial with a lawyer can be $10,000 to $20,000 per day when you factor in all the preparation leading up to trial, not to mention the emotional cost of a multiple day trial and the cost of destroying any hopes of things ending amicably.

Mediation

In mediation you and your spouse co-create a plan and an agreement rather than battle in court or in seemingly endless emails between lawyers. For the mediation process, a meeting is scheduled where everyone dedicates the time and energy to working out a plan. Matters that might take years between lawyers can often be completed in one day in mediation.

Just because you choose mediation, doesn't mean you don't need lawyers at all. It’s always your choice whether or not to obtain legal advice or have counsel attend mediation with you. Lawyers can be there to help guide you without necessarily orchestrating the process. Regardless of your choice, mediation during your separation in BC should help you lessen the time and money you need to spend with your lawyer.

After mediation, the mediator can draft a Separation Agreement in BC or, if they are not a Lawyer-Mediator, they can draft a Memorandum of Understanding that you can take to your lawyer to draft an agreement. It’s important to then take the Separation Agreement to a lawyer to receive independent legal advice. A mediator will give you legal information so you can make informed decisions and draft the Agreement for both parties, if they’re a lawyer, but taking the agreement to your lawyer this will help solidify the agreement by demonstrating that you understood the content and terms of the Agreement.

On Your Own

Some couples don't want to spend a lot in legal fees so they try creating a Separation Agreement on their own and use a template downloaded online or use an AI platform.

Using Divii, an automated Separation Agreement platform, is another option if you are looking to create your own agreement or navigate the process on your own but still want some guidance and to make sure you’ve done it right. You have the option of creating a DIY Separation Agreement with resources that guide you through each step of the process.

Divii helps you do 90% of the work so that you can leave the remaining 10% for legal review with your lawyer if you choose to obtain independent legal advice. If you’re wondering if you still need a family lawyer for your DIY Separation Agreement, refer to our resource here.

Gather Financial and Legal Documentation

Regardless of the process you and your spouse choose, you will need to organized your financial documentation for your Separation Agreement in BC. This includes a listing of all property, assets, liabilities, and business interests.

Set up a digital folder and scan all the items needed for a financial disclosure so that everything is organized in one place to exchange with your spouse and your lawyers. For more on what to include in your financial documentation, learn about preparing to negotiate the financial parts of your Separation Agreement.

Formalize your separation before divorce

Once you’ve decided on which legal route you and your spouse will be taking during your separation, it’s important to have a Separation Agreement that documents how you will be handling your property division, support, and parenting arrangements.

You can get an agreement through mediation with a lawyer mediator, a lawyer, or you can draft your own agreement on a platform like Divii. Then you can move on towards applying for divorce, which will be the final step in your separation process.

It’s always recommended to get independent legal advice during your separation, that will help ensure you have a strong and reliable Separation Agreement.

Read more here about what a separation agreement is and why you need one.

Conclusion

In summary, take it one step at a time: focus on your safety, stability, and emotional readiness; understand your legal options and which route you can take; gather your financial and legal documentation; and formalize your Separation Agreement before the final step of filing for divorce.

There’s no doubt the process can be incredibly overwhelming, especially during these beginning stages. Remember that many people have been through what you have before and there is a way through. Take one step at a time you will find resolution and the best path forward.

---

Frequently Asked Questions About the First Steps Towards Divorce in British Columbia

What’s the difference between separation and divorce?

Separation is when you and your spouse decide to live apart or make a clear intention to separate. Divorce is the legal paperwork filed with the Supreme Court in BC that officially ends your marriage, but it can only be approved once matters like parenting, support, and property have been resolved.

Do I need a lawyer for separation in BC?

Not necessarily. You can work between lawyers, attend mediation, or even create your own agreement. Independent legal advice is always recommended to ensure your Separation Agreement is strong and reliable.

What are my legal options for separation and divorce in BC?

You can take one of several routes:

• Between Lawyers: Each spouse hires a lawyer to negotiate and prepare the necessary documents.

• Mediation: You and your spouse work with a neutral mediator to co-create an agreement. Lawyers can provide advice before and after the mediation.

• On Your Own: Some people create a DIY Separation Agreement using templates or comprehensive platforms like Divii, then seek legal review if desired.

• Court: Rarely needed – about 90% of separations don’t require court intervention.

• 
  

What documents do I need to prepare?

You’ll need financial disclosure, including information about your income and a complete list of property, assets, liabilities, and any business interests. A digital folder is recommended for organization.

Do I need a Separation Agreement before divorce?

If you financial assets or children, yes. A Separation Agreement outlines parenting, support, and property arrangements and is signals to the court that your children are cared for and supported financially. A judge will double check this parenting plan to ensure a fair plan is in place for the benefit of your children before granting the divorce. If you don’t have it, a judge will often “bounce” the application back to you to deal with a parenting plan before re-applying.

How can I stay calm and professional during separation?

Treat your former spouse like a co-worker: stay calm, professional, and focused on facts rather than emotions. Seek support from therapists, counsellors, or trusted friends to manage difficult emotions, especially during parenting transitions. One trick is to keep communications in writing so that you can be measured in your responses.

What should I prioritize first?

Focus on safety, stability, meeting financial obligations, securing housing, and maintaining time with your children before making major decisions. Basic needs like rest, nutrition, and support networks are essential.

---

All content on Divii.ca is meant to provide general information about separation and divorce and is not and should not be considered legal advice. It's always highly recommended to seek independent legal advice from a lawyer during your separation.